Embracing the moment. Observing the past. Questions often asked remain unanswered. Those who are lost...are often never found and those who are "found" are often lost. Complicated thoughts and misunderstood emotions. Questionable motives and confused children with no voice to speak. Quite often though if we only listen. Life's greatest questions are often more simple then you could ever imagine.


Chapter 1

Shutting the door was Carmen's way from saving herself from the world. She slid her window open. Climbed up on to the dusty window sill. Taking a deep breath she jumped on to her trampoline below. Memories of laughing penetrated her heart. She drew another breath and took a step onto the cold damp grass. She thanked herself for not wearing socks. Calmly she snuck to the back gate. It squeaked as she pulled it open. All she had to do was walk down a narrow wooded path about a block. That's where she would turn down Taltson Street. After that it was a run through the high school’s football field. Once there is was two blocks down Ratkline Street.
Oddly though she hadn't even managed to move one foot outside the gate. Her cheeks grew wet as her eyes let loose of the tears. She couldn't understand why she was crying. Maybe because this would be her last trip through the back gate. Or maybe it was because this trip used to be made by two kids with no escape. She didn't know. At the time all she knew was she had to go back. Getting lost in her thoughts she realized she was at the high school.
The initial walk was never the thing that meant alot. Actually the walk was the obstacle that kept them away from the great destination. Them? Two kids a boy and a girl. Brother and sister. There only place of refuge...where they could freely talk and laugh and not worry about the yelling. They could be themselves with no thoughts of the beatings that could come later. She was there. Gomery Park. It hadn't changed the sign was as she remembered it. She squeezed in between the bars. Realizing she hadn't been to this park in almost seven years. As she made her way down the cement path, memories passed through her.
Landon's smiling face kept forming in her mind. She sat on a familiar bench that was placed in front of the still lifeless pond. It seemed that only yesterday Landon had taken her to go swimming. It seemed like only yesterday she had been waiting for him to pick her up. He always kept his promises.

"After school just come wait right here on this bench. I will come from down the path over there. I promise. “He said as he pointed down the path.

His words ran through her veins. She remembered looking into her brother's eyes and that deep ultramarine blue could never lie. That perfectly white smile was always there to greet her. His ears that were hidden underneath a mop of black hair, would always listen. If only she realized. The usual bruises that never slowed him down always made her cringe but he didn't mind them. Landon wasn't as full of life as she thought he was. She hadn't known he was ill. She didn't understand life and death. She was only a child. Who only had an older brother to talk too. Her parents were too busy arguing and getting mad at Landon, to listen to a child whose point of view didn't matter.
She still remembered the day he never came. As she thought about how she sat on this exact bench, she began to run her fingers through the creases and knots in the wood. She remembered waiting... anticipating... watching for her hero to come walking down the path, which seemed to have no ending. He never did walk that path again.
The sun began to set but she didn't move. The memories clung to her and held her like a ball and chain. She knew he'd come. He promised he would. The only people who happened to walk down that path were her parents. Her father wrapped her up in his arms. She cried and screamed. Her wet feet had become numb. Landon was dead there was no way to change that. Her father's cold blue eyes stared at her.

"Carmen we were worried sick! What compelled you to leave!?!"
"Landon's dead..." She whispered.

Silence ate at the interior of the vehicle. It was the drive to the hospital all over again. Room 321 was the room Landon was in. She remembered analyzing the sign as she stood outside with her mom. Eight years old she walked in. She was furious that he had lied. Then she saw him. Pale as a sheet, he laid on the bed. His eyes were the only thing that still seemed to have the beating heart of a fifteen year old boy. He struggled to give a smile.

"There's my sunshine." He said in a raspy voice.
"You lied." She muttered.
"Honey, I know...I'm sorry."
"Well let’s go swimming then."
"Carm I can't..."
"Why not?!"

She was completely appalled first he lies now he won't pay it back.

"I'm ill ...Carmen."
"So? I'll get you some cough syrup. All you have is a cold right?"
"No... I have something really bad...”
"...Landon?"
"Can you get me that paper over there?" He asked as he pointed to a table across the room.
"Okay!"

She sprung off the bed and grabbed it. She crawled back up onto the bed and passed it over to him. He grasped it with a sweaty shaking hand. He began to write and when he was finished, he folded it up and gave it to her. He smoothed her hair down with his hand and smiled.

"Read this tomorrow."
"Okay...Landon..."
"Carm..?"
"Yeah..?"
"I will always be there for you ... I will protect you through life and death. I will never let anyone harm you...just like always."

He touched her hand and smiled one of his from ear to ear grins. His beautiful unforgettable ultramarine blue eyes slowly closed. Then the heart rate monitor let out a long heart wrenching beep. Carmen screamed and covered her ears but then she noticed Landon's lifeless body. The nurses rushed in and her parents cried. She was eight and she lost the most important person in her life. She hadn't even known he was sick. She was clueless. Her childhood was gone and whatever was left was torn to shreds in one day.

"Carmen are you even listening?"
"What?"
"Have you packed everything?"
"Yeah..."

This was a lie...she wasn't even half way finished. Feeling a chill run down her spine, she slid her hand into her pocket and felt a piece of folded up paper. Landon's note....still unread.